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The blessed bloggage of our beautiful bungalow begins

Firstly, coming from a man who has renounced Facebook and the proven evils thereof, this whole “blogging” thing, which I will henceforth refer to as “bloggage” feels more like “baggage”. But since I am bequeathed in marriage to my eternally lovely bride, there is a need for bloggage. And greatly shall the bloggage thereof be. Of what shall I blog about? My weight? My social life? My diet? Who I presume will win Dancing with the Stars? Nay. From this point forward I will be blogging about our new abode, currently in the gestation stage, but the labour pains are just beginning. You know, I am not going to lie, this feels a little awkward. Who are you who is reading this? Eh? Who? I have no idea right now. I kind of feel like I am going to Johnnys for milk and eggs. In my boxers. But like the world got used to the idea that “Earth is round” so shall I get used to the idea of the bloggage.

So, now to my first bloggage. Like an awkward first date I will start this monologue. Well as most sane people realize, one can only build a home when one has land to base said home upon. Unless you are stuck in a perpetual free-fall with building supplies readily available around you also in free fall. Then I suppose you could construct a house in the air as you fell. Provided the fall is long. Very long. Since we do not have the luxury of long falls around here, we started by purchasing a piece of pie. A slice of pie from God’s green earth. Except this slice was sort of brown and dead and rectangular. Because it was bought in the fall. Like an overbaked piece of pie God forgot about. We bought a lot just outside Sioux in a new subdivision called “Autumnwood Estates”. Immediately kill any thought you have of ponies, manicured greenery and women with big hats taking tea. There are no such estates present as of yet. More or less a gravel road with a field in the middle. But what a voluptuous field! Our lot is 0.62 acres large. Ok, ok, ok, I know for all of you south of the border, this seems small, but it is quite large in Sioux especially since it is on town water and sewer, yet in the countryside. It has forest on the west side, our driveway on the east side,  a neighbour on the south side, and my brother on the north side. Yes, my brother is our neighbour, or, as I refer to him, my “bro-bour”. He bought a house last year in the same subdivision. Yes, we are creepy, no doubt.

Anyhizzle, our lot is currently populated by a large city of fieldgrass, which I plan on evicting without 2 weeks notice. In fact, I plan a sudden strike to eradicate the indiginous flora to make way for the Cospito colonization. There are other fields to grow in, grass. Shoo.

Well, with the purchase of our lot firmly behind us (like a good spanking), we must take the next bold step. Similar to what Neil Armstrong did on the moon. Except Neil didn’t have to pick kitchen cupboards. Or siding. Or flooring. Or berber carpet. What the heck is berber carpet? Let me tell you, Neil. It is a thickly woven carpet that cozies your toesies when you step into it in the morning. But I wouldn’t expect you to know that, Neil, in your big moon boots. You moonwalker you. I am off track. The next bold step was the selecting of a houseplan. Now, me being an engineer, you probably assumed I designed it from the ground up with my calculator and star chart and physics textbook in hand. That would be wrong. We selected a floorplan from Home Hardware (a Canadian hardware store) and then modified it to our liking. We did design our own kitchen and moved it to another area of the house, and added a few things here and there, but for the most part, the houseplan satisfied our bungalow “glushtiness” (dutch word? maybe?). We cautiously coerced a concerned contractor back in the fall of 2010 AD. Our contractor also has an accent not unlike one of the characters from Lord of the Rings. In fact, I am pretty sure he is either Faramir or Elrond. Tough call at this point. He is a British chap and quite charming as such. Yes, apparently the accent counts for a lot with my wife. I have worked with him before on another project through work so I am pretty comfortable with him.

Following the selection and finalization of our floorplan we embarked upon the treacherous journey of selecting everything from paint to light bulb sizes. A journey fraught with peril. In fact said journey is so perilous that many perish under the shear volume of siding colors and door options, lost eternally in a sea of carpet styles and tile options. Murdered mercilessly by the ruthlessness of selecting kitchen cabinets. Fortunately, my lovely bride and I had a sharpened lance that we rammed repeatedly through the heart of the finish-selection foe. Yes, upon our noble steed too, I might add. For some amazing reason, we appear to be completely compatible when it comes to our tastes. With passion and determination we tag team through the hordes of squealing, helpless samples, heedless of the damage sustained to our minds and bodies. It has actually been a blast – the kitchen design was especially fun:) We have pretty much wrapped up picking all the finishes. In fact the very room I am sitting in conducting my first bloggage is chock full of samples. If our house plans are ever cancelled due to some event, we can at least build a pretty nice doghouse with what we have in this room. Either that or a scale model of Noah’s ark.

Spanking the finish selection. Yes, we actually did do this.

So here we are, sitting on a slice of brown earth-pie with our houseplans in hand. We hope to begin within a month or so with a sacred ritual; a traditional ground breaking ceremony going back a hundred generations in which we smear ash on…..just kidding. BREAK THAT GROUND!!! OUT OF THE WAY, FLORA!!! CRACK THAT EARTH OPEN!!!

Lowly serfs, we await the impending lifelong mortgage. That is unless my plans for the “UberNuker 2000 microwave” or “tree-tality hunter camoflauge” transpire, which I wouldn’t count on anytime soon. Actually friends, this is a tremendous blessing and responsibility God has blessed us with. Truly. A blessing. I can hardly believe He is providing the means to do this, and it is so exciting and breathtaking to be on this journey with Anne, my incredible wife who has made this process so much fun and drawn us closer together. To our Father goes the praise for a chance to build a new home in which to raise a family. He is so, so good to us. This is an exciting blessed season of our lives!

Joe & Andrea

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12 responses

  1. KEVIN L BYERS

    Wonderful bloggage Joe! I love it! Hope you guys have a wonderful time building! So glad for you!

    April 20, 2011 at 10:53 pm

  2. Marcia

    Oh dear friends, what a fun journey…thanks for taking us along! ( :

    April 20, 2011 at 11:01 pm

  3. dude!! i’ve missed your writing!! can’t wait to get home and watch this take shape firsthand!!

    April 21, 2011 at 1:00 am

  4. Susan

    For at least one reason I am glad you are building a house…so you blog about it! 🙂

    April 21, 2011 at 6:08 am

  5. jasmin

    lol, joe. You’re a great blogger apparently, congratulations u guys 🙂

    April 21, 2011 at 10:53 am

  6. Yeah! You two are gonna blog (and build a house)! I love connections with people from my “former life” and you guys make me laugh . . . so I’m sure I’ll check back. 🙂

    April 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm

  7. I am reading. Wonderful blog. Fantastic verbage. 🙂 I feel like I know Neil Armstrong, at least your version of him. I’m excited to hear about your house. I’ve heard of it’s coming existance but now we get to see pictures. Good luck.
    Karleen

    April 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm

  8. Amy Y

    FUN!! So glad you are blogging!

    April 21, 2011 at 4:26 pm

  9. Rachal

    Great bloggage about the buildage. 🙂 Thanks for letting us all “follow along”. 🙂

    April 22, 2011 at 2:33 pm

  10. Ruth Byers

    You go Joe & Andi! Happy for you! Maybe we’ll even get to help a little bit 🙂

    April 23, 2011 at 7:57 am

    • @ Ruth Byers: I know! I’m so thrilled that Steve & Lyndon are coming to do the masonry and that you and Rodger might be here then too!! So awesome!

      April 23, 2011 at 8:56 am

  11. Pat Abela

    So glad you are keeping us up to speed with the progress. Now I don’t have to run down the road every other day and see what is happening. (but I likely will anyway!) So excited and happy for you two!
    The weather forcast is looking so great for the next little bit and it will be up and closed in, in no time at the rate it is going, and without weather hampering it! PTL!
    Pat

    May 16, 2011 at 10:00 am

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